Men Have Called Her Crazy - Anna Marie Tendler

“Men Have Called Her Crazy” by Anna Marie Tendler was a very intriguing read. The author describes her time at an inpatient psychiatric treatment facility and intersperses this present day story with the past struggles that culminated in her hospital stay.

There are several elements to her mental health problems, including suicidal ideation, anxiety, depression, and a brief mention of an eating disorder.

I found myself in so many of her childhood and family struggles. For one, the way she's sometimes treated by her parents reminds me strongly of my own youth. One striking similarity is the lack of medical care, in particular the ear infections that progress without antibiotics. This exact thing happened to me as well, along with many injuries that were ignored. Would you believe that I'd find my own demise in a book someday?

I also found myself in her experience at the hospital. I voluntarily signed myself into a facility for an eating disorder myself and connect strongly to her reporting on her inpatient care.

I discovered other similarities as well, and together with Tendler’s poignant writing, I devoured the first part of this book and couldn't put it down. There are many passages that I'd love to share but can't, given the advance nature of my review copy.

I also loved the mention of a so-called “strain trauma”, another element of my own life, resulting not from one most horrible, succinct event, but rather from a long time of sustained anxious arousal. I guess this is perhaps hinting at the difference between PTSD itself and the more complex cPTSD, as the name suggests.

The author also goes through a conflict with her long term outpatient psychologist, from the patient perspective rather horrifying and destabilizing, as they're looped in on some of the hospital meetings. I thought this was a very valuable addition to the book because it shows in so many ways how hard it can be to feel seen and validated when going through mental health struggles.

The latter portion of the book became a little harder to follow because it intensified in a sort of hatred for men, understandably so due to the many difficult experiences the author went through. Tendler began to describe almost all of her relationships in detail, connecting her mental health struggles with a desire to be loved and in striving to achieve that by pleasing and catering to a man's desire at the detriment of her self worth.

The writing became more and more erratic as if the hatred towards men went into the words and even punctuation that was used.

I also found my focus wandering in the sections where the detailed day-to-day of the clinic was described, such as the beading and gardening classes. I'd have probably preferred hearing more about the talk therapy or the things that the hospital team diagnosed and helped with.

What was most confusing was perhaps the final chapter. The last few pages sounded like a big outburst of anger at both men in general and at one of her male doctors in particular. This happens right at the end, when a reader expects to learn how the story arc directs itself towards closure. In the very last pages, Tendler then abruptly pivots and tries to deliver this closure by explaining how she has healed and grown into a new person.

It makes me sad to say that this just doesn't come across as very believable, even though the effect is probably only a product of the unstructured writing in the last chapter. Maybe the rather crude language that seems to suggest healing by going from “I f*ing hate them so much. I don't even know if I want to f* them anymore.” in chapter 25 to “I don't hate men. I still want to f* them.” in the last chapter leaves me a little uncomfortable when it's all said and done.

Overall though, I applaud Tendler for her courage in writing this vulnerable memoir. It touches on so many points that are vital to mental health awareness, and I think that many people will be able to see themselves in these pages, as did I.

Thank you Simon & Schuster and Netgalley for the Advance Reader's Copy.